put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize