Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
