i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
