Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
