when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
