The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
