this beer tastes like vomit already
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im part way to drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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