"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
