Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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