I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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