i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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