He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
