I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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