So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
