You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
