I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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