Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
