oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
