Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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