i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
