it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
