so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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