I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
