i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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