life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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