is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
