i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
