Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
