You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
