tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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