Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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