turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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