What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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