Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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