Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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