Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
