The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I party with great urgency now.
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