Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
