omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
