I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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