ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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