Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
