I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
