What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
