I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
where am i from again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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