absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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