Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
