Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
