I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
