Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
