Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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