Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
