just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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