He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
