At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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