You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
