once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
