I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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