I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
