you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
