census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
