God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
