Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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