Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
