He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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