i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
