So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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