I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
