Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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