At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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