Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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