may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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