you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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