He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
