he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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