hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
