Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
