Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
