roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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