That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
