Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
